Why is the Coldplay tour delayed?
Coldplay have postponed their world tour for two weeks, citing “production delays”. The Guardian wonders why:
Chris Martin can’t remember the new lyrics? The dancers can’t fit into their leotards? The band are struggling with a new carbon-offsetting mango forest project?
Or perhaps one of the band is pregnant? Or Chris Martin has viral laryngitis, and he knew there were some people out there who would have rejoiced in his fall and who would bury him under the “his voice is permanently shot”? Or maybe a key venue has been double-booked with a Lynyrd Skynyrd tribute band…
Or maybe it’s more sinister. Perhaps the final date of the tour was rearranged to a date when The Stars Are Right? The last encore of the final date of the tour completes the blasphemous ritual that causes the sunken city of R’lyeh to rise, and releases the tentacled Elder Gods into our dimension. It all makes sense now…
